The Power of Gratitude

 

It's been a while since I've felt like posting as CPAPman. A lot of the gifts I've received since starting to breathe while I sleep have begun to feel quite common place and normal. What a shell of a human being I must have been prior to becoming The C-man if seeing beauty and clear thinking felt like some kind of supernatural power. Been almost a year since my diagnosis of sever sleep apnea. The benefits of sleeping with my CPAP machine have been unbelievable, life changing, but still to this day I struggle with the mask. The nightly ritual of filling with water, relaxing with a book or blogging until I'm tired then strapping on the mask. Waking when the pressure cranks up and pops the mask loose and the loud high pressure stream of air leaks into my eye with a pitshishshshshshshsh. The struggle is worth it, but it is still a struggle. The nightmares that used to wake me all through the night when the apnea would get really bad are gone. More accurate is that I don't remember any dreams at all. Not sure how feel about this. I count it a blessing. Makes me think if I'm not remembering them or if I'm not dreaming at all (that couldn't be good), but beats the heck out of thinking I was going crazy or having contact with the spirit world. I have had some waking dreams or some weird ideas while I've been between sleep and half awake. Sometimes my nose or nostrils will get really sore from the mask or the air stream and I'll twist the mask back and forth to rectify the situation and one morning I had really twisted the mask hard as I fell back to sleep. I woke with the strangest idea that I had severely twisted my face and it wasn't until I looked in the mirror that I could shake off this impression. Actually the first look showed a big swirl in my face, but a few blinks later I was back to normal.

The strapps really hug your head and the tighter you strap the mask down the more the straps squeeze your head. I wake with grooves or indents from the strapps on my cheeks and temples. One morning after a blow out (what I call it when and Velcro pulls loose and air shoots out from under the mask with an evil hisssss) I really strapped it down hard and woke with one of those crazy sensations that I squished my head.

The next night I only tightened the lower face strapps and left the one on top of my head loose. In the morning was sure I had developed a bad case of block head.

Ok all kidding aside today CPAPman did something special for the most important person in his life. He gave advice. His best friend had confided early in the day that she was sad. Upset that she seemed to be sad all the time lately. He said he was sorry to hear it. He was feeling a little sad also and didn't want to make things worse so he went and started doing the dishes. He was grateful for the small chore and as he worked his gratefulness grew as the satisfaction and joy in having a clean kitchen. Insight struck like a bolt of lighting. Was the clean kitchen the source of this joy? No. It was the gratitude. Being grateful for the opportunity to bless this mess. 

He ran to his best friend and said, "You know I have a lot of experience at being sad. Right?" He made the bold statement that he has discovered the antidote to being sad. There is a cure. It's gratitude. If you are sad make a list. What are you grateful for? Say it. Think it. If you can write it down. make it real. Who are you grateful for being in your life? What are the things you are grateful for. What are some of the things you look forward to doing? Say thank you. 

She said I am grateful for you. Thank you. And then she smiled.

I am grateful for CPAPman. Thank you C man. Please come again soon.