Empathy

I am an empath. Always have been always will be. Now that I breathe at night while I sleep I have come to terms with what I am. 

I feel what other people feel. 

My big sister was deaf. She was raised in a "main streaming" program that was meant to train her to live a full life outside of the deaf community. My personal oppinion is that this program was bullshit, but I also must admit it worked. 

Within the confines of this program we siblings were not allowed to learn sign language. My sister had to read lipps. As her little brother I grew up lip reading with my sister. We would talk to each other without using our voices. As adults my brother and I had difficulty using our voices with our sister, but we could lip away with her from across the room. As her little interprater growing up she would often look to me when she would miss what was being said and I would lip it to her. It was quite a parlor trick, but was really way, way more than that. 

Now that she's gone and I am old I realize the gifts I learned from her. Lip reading is part of it, but only a small part. I find that I see what people are saying way more than I hear what they are saying to me. It's really hard to explain, but I also feel what people are saying to me way more than I hear what they are saying. I see this as a gift, but it has also been a great burden. People often use words to hide their true feelings. There is usually a great discrepancy between what people are saying and what they are truly feeling and for good reasons too. There is a lot of pain and suffering in the world. A lot of worry and regret and guilt and grief and anxiety and depression and most people just want to be seen as being fine or "normal" or great! How are you today? I'm fine and you? I'm fine thank you. Have a nice day.

Thankfully there is also a lot of joy and happiness too. What's crazy is most people want to hide that too. 

Now that I know what I am and I'm comfortable with it I don't have to own what other people are feeling. I take their word for it on how they're feeling and use empathy to read, feel and hear what they are saying. 

What they are thinking is important. What they are feeling is what really matters. I have found most people don't really care what you think. What people really care about is how you make them feel. 

Life is filled with human interaction. Most of these interactions do not lead to lasting relationships. Does this mean some interactions are more important than others? When you feel better after meeting a person for the first time what happens when you see them again? You remember how they made you feel. 

The most sure way to make people feel better is to acknowledge their feelings. By showing them empathy you are assuring them you know how they feel. This is powerful stuff. What do psychiatrists ask? How did that make you feel? An empath does not have to ask. 

People do not need to be fixed. They need to be understood. "I understand how you feel. What do you think needs to be done? What can I help you with?"

This is what I think. This is how I feel. I tell you what I think . I show you how I feel. They are two different thing. I think with my mind. I feel with my heart. They are the two hands of my Soul. I used to work at the health club at the Aspen Meadows, home of the Aspen Institute. There the mantra was Mind, Body, Spirit. Executives and leaders from all over the world would go there to engage and stimulate all three in order to improve the self or themselves. My interpretation was engage the mind, work the body, rediscover the Spirit. Recently I've been thinking it is more simple than that. Mind, Body, Spirit. Think, Do, Feel. What we think, what we do, and how we feel are not seperate things. They are the circle of the Soul. When they are in sync we grow. When we act in opposition to our thoughts we feel bad. When we do what we think to be good we feel good.