Superpower #6 I Can Breathe

I can breathe. No seriously, it's an important superpower. One that should not be taken for granted. I now breathe to calm my mighty monkey brain. I breathe in I breath out I breathe in I breathe out I breathe in I breathe. That is all I do. I think in I think out I think in I think out I think in I think. That is all I think. That is all I do. I return to my breath. I am alive. I become mindful of that fact. I calm the monkey. I find the space. In it I am. Meditation it is, but I no longer call it that. I call it breathing.

Breathing with a mask on my face pushing forced air past my fat pie-whole night after night allows me to breathe deeper than ever before. Taking deeper breaths all night long allow me to take daytime deep breaths when needed to find some mindfulness. Two or three controlled deep breaths helps me find the space behind the waterfall.

I have asthma. Not as bad as I always thought. For as long as I can remember I would sleep with an inhaler next to my bed. Sometimes in the middle of the night, but surely every morning I would wake up wheezing and gasping and short of breath. I would hit the inhaler until I could take a deep breath. I would drag myself out of bed and fight through the fog of my mornings. I wipe whatever nightmare woke me up from my memory. I shock the monkey. The waterfall gushes forth. It is another day.

I know now it was apnea and not asthma. The fog was not normal it was death. The nightmares were not a curse, but my saving grace. Now I live. Now I breathe. The monkey rests.