CPAPmanLives

Forgiving others is easy. It is not a super-power. I learned early in life the freedom you earn by forgiving those who have wronged you. They do not even have to know. When you forgive someone in your heart it lifts your soul. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You are released from the burden someone else has placed on you. You put it down. You let it go. You walk away. It's very powerful. Makes you want to share it. The freedom. I've learned you can not offer forgiveness. It must be a request. If not sought it is an insult. It is better to ask for it. Asking the offender for forgiveness is a difficult thing to do. Goes against human nature. Touching the Divine is never easy. When you give a gift and it is refused the gift stays with the giver. When you are free and you offer freedom your gift need not be appreciated to have value. My new Superpower is the ability to forgive myself. I have wronged myself in so many ways. I have failed too many times to count. But the f...

This one is a little tricky, I have spent a lifetime avoiding my true nature and my powerful emotions. I have always been an emotional guy. It is not something easily hidden. Nothing makes people more uncomfortable than a grown man crying. It is not natural. I learn early in life to suck down deep the crying emotions until I could be alone. An unfortunate side effect of this skill was being a mess when I found myself alone. I say, "crying emotions" because recently using my newly found clear thinking have discovered happy and sad, joy and sorrow, bravery and fear are all the two sides of the same coin. Living proof of the dichotomy on man. Different triggers on the same gun. Different players on the same team. Different illusions in the same analogy. Since I stopped suffocating at night my emotions have become raw. Visceral. Unavoidable. The screaming voice of my heart. Not hard to follow your heart if it has been torn out of your chest. Or swells to twice its' size. Fe...

Embarrassing to admit, but clear thinking is new to me. Being able to articulate what it has been like being me is something I have never been able to do. Attention Deficit Disorder and Dyslexia have been with me my whole life. I like to think they no longer define me, but they have left their mark. You might say I overcame these conditions, but more precisely I have come to live with them. I learn to do things differently than most people. In dealing with my deficit in attention I learn to pick my targets carefully, I need to have a genuine interest in something and generate passion for it to sustain my focus. When I do this I can actually achieve hyper-focus, imagine that. When I get excited about something nothing can distract me from it. It's a little scary. When I find a book I love I loose myself in it. That's how I learn to read. I would find the story no matter what way the letters faced. I found that if I could love it I could do it. So I loved to read. Slowly at first...

https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5060567820397022099#editor/target=post;postID=9161363098539987397;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=13;src=postname In light of what I know now. This is crazy. In a dream: "I struggle to breath and can a little, but start to gasp and suffocate, but cannot lift my arms to clear what is choking my face. Slowly I start to die again and start to kick my legs, but they won't move. Shake my head back and forth and as I gasp my last breathe again think I hear my deaf sister scream your still alive. Then I wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for air."