CPAPmanLives

I can breathe. No seriously, it's an important superpower. One that should not be taken for granted. I now breathe to calm my mighty monkey brain. I breathe in I breath out I breathe in I breathe out I breathe in I breathe. That is all I do. I think in I think out I think in I think out I think in I think. That is all I think. That is all I do. I return to my breath. I am alive. I become mindful of that fact. I calm the monkey. I find the space. In it I am. Meditation it is, but I no longer call it that. I call it breathing. Breathing with a mask on my face pushing forced air past my fat pie-whole night after night allows me to breathe deeper than ever before. Taking deeper breaths all night long allow me to take daytime deep breaths when needed to find some mindfulness. Two or three controlled deep breaths helps me find the space behind the waterfall. I have asthma. Not as bad as I always thought. For as long as I can remember I would sleep with an inhaler next to my bed. Some...

Spending so many years ignoring the obvious and allowing my ego and pride to blind me. I walked a tightrope every night between this world and the next. I have been humbled by sleep apnea and its' ability to strangle the life out me. Humbled that I was unaware what was happening while I slept. Snoring is humbling enough on its' own. Knowing I almost snored myself to death is something different all together. I am not who I thought I was. I am vincible. I am not doomed. There was something wrong with me, but it was not what I thought it was. I was not going crazy. I was dieing. Night after night. Nightmare after nightmare. Year after year. Literally suffocating. Literally not sleeping. Coping. Failing. The struggle was real. Humbled. I am lucky to be alive.